IF ANYONE SETS THE WORLD ON FIRE, IT WILL BE WOMEN
Job hunting adventures of a middle-aged woman
May 2, 2024, close to midnight. I got into bed and wrote the following. It was a Thursday night.
I am a 44-year-old woman, married, and a mother of one child. Before having my child, I worked for about 10 years at the most prestigious firms/companies a lawyer would want to work.
Five years after leaving work, and three years after becoming a mother, I started working at a university. Now, 12 years after leaving the corporate world, 10 years after becoming a mother, and 7 years after starting my academic career, I am looking for a job where I can earn enough to support a household and return to the corporate world.
I’ve been job hunting since summer. At first, I only received interview requests from outside Germany—not many, but enough. Now, I'm starting to have interviews for positions in Germany. But after such a long break, no one wants to hire a middle-aged woman who is desperate to work. Rather than taking the risk of a 2-3 month adjustment period, they probably prefer hiring a sluggish man who drags his feet to work. The world is filled with macho men who will never be as brave or take on as much responsibility as women in the long run. Changing this dinosaur-like system will take a long time, but I want to add a brick to the wall. The system should make it mandatory to hire women who have taken a break from their careers due to family reasons. Just like veterans or people with disabilities. In Germany, a woman can return to her workplace after a 3-year maternity leave, or even after 9 years for 3 children, but what about those who don't have a job to return to? Why can’t you include well-educated, smart women who have taken a break from their careers back into the system? Mark my words—someone will have a nervous breakdown and burn the patriarchy to the ground. You’ll see.
May 6, 2024, 16:43, I’m writing these lines on a train heading to Leipzig.
I got up on Friday morning. I spent about half an hour wavering between going to the store to buy cigarettes or going to Pilates, and eventually went to Pilates. I cried during the class. Because I was falling apart. I felt exactly like I had written the night before: shattered.
On Friday afternoon, the company I interviewed with on Thursday messaged me to schedule a second interview. While arranging a meeting with them, a headhunter messaged me asking to schedule an interview for a legal counsel position in Münster. While setting up that appointment, they also mentioned another legal counsel position at a company in Viesbek. So on Monday, today, I had two online interviews for three jobs. One was even a second interview. And now I’m on the train, heading to another interview. That one is tomorrow morning. The headhunter meeting was moved to Wednesday, but I’ve already applied to one of the companies through a friend. So they don’t have to pay the headhunter.
August 9, 2024
A whole summer has passed. Actually, this was where I started. Was this really what I wanted, or was I fooling myself, is it all or nothing? I don’t know. In the summer of 2023, after returning from vacation, I had an interview for a job that I could do from home. It was after a holiday in Sweden, and we had stopped at a gas station on the road. My husband and daughter went for a walk, and I had the interview in the car. It was a job not worth wanting, but one that could be tolerated. I didn’t want it.
My second job interview was for an American headhunter company based in Hamburg, in a fancy office, for B2B sales three days a week. I was reluctant at first, but then I warmed up to the idea because the office location was nice. At the second interview, I said I was interested, but the interviewer gave me feedback saying, “You seemed very disinterested in the first interview,” and that I couldn’t convince them within the half-hour we had. I thanked her for the feedback. Showing interest and asking questions is important. That’s noted.
I had an interview for a legal counsel position in Switzerland. It was similar to the last position I left and the salary as well. Oh, so I can find a job as a lawyer, too. I could have a good position and a good income. Will I find my worth, I wonder? But I’d have to go to Zurich. I also had interviews with Liechtenstein and Luxembourg and ended the season there. Yes, it seems I could work as a lawyer here too, but not in Germany. Not yet. My classes started in October. I said I’d continue in April, and all the interviews I mentioned above, and more, happened in April and afterward, especially in May. So I saw that I could make it as a lawyer in Germany, too. Then in June, everything stopped.
Finding a job as a foreign lawyer in Germany is almost impossible. I was on vacation. I didn’t think about anything, I rested, relaxed, and now I’m back, and the activity has started again. I started frustratedly to the second interview for one of the great jobs I interviewed for after returning, but again, men will decide my future. Should we put this woman back in the system or not? And I’m tired of that.