The Rediscovery of the Meaning of Life
Reconnecting with Life's True Purpose: A Personal Journey of Rediscovery
Yesterday, I completed my 44th orbit around the sun. It took this long to realize that the things I truly desire are much different from what I thought.
When my daughter was young, we longed for someone we could entrust her care to, someone we could temporarily leave her with. I used to think that if my mother or a nanny were around, everything would be perfect. I imagined leaving my daughter and going on vacations with my spouse. However, as my daughter grew and our chances of having such moments increased, I came to understand the great luxury of wanting to spend every holiday with her, of witnessing her growth firsthand, and of raising her myself. Especially when she is growing so fast, cherishing the moments when she still enjoys being in my arms, I realized that what I truly desire is not assistance or leaving her, but having the possibility itself.
Looking back today, if I were asked which period of time I would want to relive, without hesitation, I would choose my high school years spent with my family and the time when I started my own family and became pregnant with my daughter. I would want to relive these moments until now. I never used to identify myself as a family person; I was a city girl, and I believed my true self was during my single years in big city. However, separating these aspects of myself is unnecessary; they are all parts of me. They were all beautiful years, but real happiness lies in the peaceful arms of my family, both in the core family of my youth and in the peaceful embrace of my current core family. So, in fact, right now, I am living exactly what I want.
Sometimes, I fall into existential crises, thinking that I don't know what I want, that I've lost my life's purpose. I believe that I haven't realized my potential and that I will disappear from this world without leaving a trace. But in reality, moments like this, right now, as I write these lines, I know that I know very well what I want. What I want right now is to be able to be with my daughter while she is still young. My precious one is starting middle school tomorrow and we get a place for an after-school nursery. In two weeks, we will decide on her schedule, and I think I still want her to come home at 1:00 PM after school, not stay for the nursery, and I still want to cook her meals. In reality, everything is this simple.
I'm grateful I was born! Thank you, life!